Thursday, June 30, 2011

Learning to Smile Again...

My sister sent me a message the other day while she was out. She told me "I'm finally learning to smile again". At that moment I didn't know what she meant so I sent her a message back stating "Huh". She said the last few months I've kind of been sad/depressed with everything that's been happening but now I'm learning to smile and be happy again. Then I thought to myself when was the last time I smiled cause I was really happy and I couldn't remember. When I'm around people lately I notice I do the fake smile or laugh just so no one knows that I'm really crying or upset inside. I know things these days aren't the easiest but I need to really find that "Place of yes" and learn to smile again. I feel my days are consumed with work, kids after school sports and constant phone calls to insurance companies and doctors offices. Running Brandon's health and medical needs is almost like having a 3rd job, but it's something I would not want anyone else to do. This way I know he's getting the best care possible, because if you know me I'm very hands on and aggressive when it comes to things like that. Trust me the poor nurses and medical assistants at the hospital know me very well, we're even on a first name basis. Hahaha

So my new resolution to myself is to take at least 1 hour a day to just breathe and relax. I'm go go go non stop til about midnight every night. I've noticed that I'm starting to get very run down and I will never find a happy place at this rate. I also suggest all you other mommy, daddy's, wives, husbands and everyone else do the same. Take a step back and learn to enjoy the simple things in life even if it's just watching your favorite TV show, reading a book or watching your kids play outside. Go and find that place that gives you peace and happiness.

A little update on Brandon a lot of you ask when his next post will be, hopefully soon. He's a talented and creative writer but I know with all the meds he's on his sleep schedule is far from normal. He can tell a story like no other and even when he rambles to me about programming or gaming I can still listen to him for hours even though I'm clueless what he's talking about. It's just because he makes everything so interesting. So as for now no more surgery until its deemed a necessity. Remember my whole Quality vs. Quantity post you'll understand more by reading that. I had a very hard time accepting Brandon's choice that day but in the end it is his choice and he has to be 100% ok with his decisions. I'm merely a sidekick going to root him on until we hear those words "Your in Remission". Next up is Proton Radiation and Chemotherapy. I hear great things about proton radiation and I have full faith Brandon will pull through a winner like always.

I hope you all a great and memorable 4th of July.

Here's some pics from the past of my babies in there red, white and blue.





Thursday, June 23, 2011

Father's Day

This pass Sunday was a day we spoiled and honor those men that helped make us the people we are today and raise us like we are there very own. I'm proud to say I have 3 great men in my life, My dad, my husband and father in law. A little unique fact about my husband and I is we were both raised by our step fathers. These are two great men that stepped up to the plate when our own biological father could not. I have to say they both have done an amazing job raising us and I thank God everyday for bringing them into our lives. Even though I was not able to spend Father's Day with my dad I want him to know I love him so very much and thank him for always being there when I needed advice or a shoulder to cry on. Also to my step father Doug for raising the most amazing father and husband I now have today.

This father's day we decided low key was better and we did a BBQ at our in laws house. We ate yummy Mexican food til I could no longer button my pants and had freshly made chocolate chip cookies and milk for dessert. We also watched movies, kids played Just Dance on Wii, and had some great conversations. I hope you all had a wonderful Father's Day as well and always remember to tell that father figure in your life you love them.

Here's a little video I made for my hubby, I hope you enjoy it.
P.S. if it makes you cry I'm sorry I bawled my eyes out for 3 days making it.





Aidan playing Just Dance.

Daddy and his Mini Me

Daddy and his Princess

Friday, June 10, 2011

Quality vs. Quantity

This has been an ongoing debate in our household since we found out about Brandon's Brain Cancer. This is a debate I wish we could of gone our whole lives without having, but now that we are in this position it's a much needed discussion. My views on everything have been more of a selfish one. I want him here next to me until were old and grey and he has to change my depends lol. I've done lots of endless research and spent many nights not sleeping trying to figure out the best course of treatment for this type of cancer. What many doctors and hospitals suggest is to remove as much of the tumor as possible. This gives radiation and chemotherapy the best chances at killing what tumor cells are left, but in Brandon's case this is a hard one. His tumor lies in such a high real estate area where he could potentially never speak again and may have weakness on the right side of his body. Dr. S discussed that he wants to try a new procedure to keep him awake during surgery so there is a lesser chance of this happening. As you may know they tried to do an awake surgery the last time but there were issues with the intubation tube and the anatomy of Brandon's neck. This time around he won't have an intubation tube down his throat but will be given 2 different medications to perform this and wake him up when it's time. Next week they will be performing a Functional MRI to see exactly where and what parts of the brain the tumor is affecting. This is one thing I'm really looking forward to, since it will give us all a better picture of what is really going on.

So back to our debate. I have to say in my heart I want the functional MRI to come back and say they have a good chance of resecting part of the tumor. But on the other hand I know my hubby is not fond of the fact of having surgery again, being there's a chance he will not be able to speak. His aspect on everything has been Quality of life. If they say he only has 5 years then he wants to be able to at least speak to his kids and tell them everything they need to know in that 5 years. Instead of having 10 years of not being able to tell his story. I have been the selfish one wanting the most time I can have with him, but I understand exactly where he is coming from. I guess as a mother I would want all the time in the world to be with my family, but it would be hard not to speak to them and tell them what life has to offer and how to become the most amazing adults I know they will be one day. Brandon always tells me "You may say you would want the surgery now cause your not the one who has the tumor". And he's right I do say that, but would I feel the same way if I were in his shoes. I don't know, that's the hard part. So now we wait for our next chapter in the journey to start. I know Brandon feels very anxious to get all of this started and so do I. I just want him to have the best chances of fighting this beast and kicking it's ASS. Hopefully next week we will have more answers for all of you. Keep those prayers and good thoughts coming our way cause we need every single one of them.

P.S. we had an amazing time in the east coast. It was so nice to see my family and spend time with some amazing friends over there as well. For that one week it felt like cancer wasn't around and we got back to our normal lives. Let me tell you we ate so much good food it was worth the extra pounds I put on. And if your ever in NYC make sure you to stop at Five Napkins, those burgers, fries, taquitos and S'mores Shakes are to die for.

For those of you wanting to purchase t-shirts click here. Thanks to those of you that have purchased them already. I will be shipping those out later this week.

XOXOXO,

Momo
The loves of my life
My mini me
My amazing parents..Thank you again for making our trip one to remember
My hubby looks hot..me not so much with my fro lol
Our little family

Oh and BTW cancer after were done kicking your ass we will be going here. Make sure our cabana boy or girl has my umbrella drink waiting for me as soon as I hit the sand. =)

Bora Bora..my dream destination