Graduations, Birthdays, Doctors and more

Phewww this has been a crazy few days. I don't think I even had 5 mins to just breathe and relax. It was go go go all day long. Last week was filled with back to back birthdays, graduations and doctors appointments. I was hoping this week would be a bit more quiet but I'm out of luck there.

So let's get this story started. Friday, May 20th was a jammed packed day from 7am til 3am the next day. The day started off by my little boy graduating Pre-Kindergarten. Who the heck knew that they even had a graduation for this grade but I guess they do. He was so very excited to wear his nice outfit and sing his heart out on stage with his class. The last few weeks I have heard God Bless America at least 100x, I think I know it word for word now. So as we were sitting there waiting for the graduation to begin they handed out brochures listing each kids name and what they wanted to be when they grow up. We had the standard Police Officers, Teachers, Mommies, and Fire Fighters listed down for most of the kids. So I search for my sons name and low and behold my son puts down he wants to be a NINJA. Seriously my son wants to be a ninja we he grows up, he has played one to many video games. I couldn't help but laugh and also be proud of him for not conforming to the norm and thinking outside the box. So when it came time for them to announce Aidan's name and list his future occupation I did what any proud parent would do. Yell and scream with happiness at the top of my lungs. I have to say he did get biggest round of applause and laughs from the audience. After graduation we went to a local pizza parlor and enjoyed some pizza, ice cream cake, cupcakes and a edible arrangements sent by my momma from Jersey. Wowza I was completely stuffed after that.

Cute little Baby Meghan..love the bows

The boy cuzzy's

Aidan and Mrs. Laura

My little Princess cheering her brother on

Aidan and his silly grad glasses

Next up was my hubby's follow up doctor appointment with the neurosurgeon at Loma Linda. A lot of you have asked what happened at this appointment. Many of those questions were answered in Brandon's Blog. But I will go into a little more depth of what went on. Since I carry this handy dandy notebook Sheila gave me since she went through the same thing with her husband. Which I have to say is the best piece of advice I have gotten from someone on this journey. That notebook goes everywhere with me. I log all of Brandon's seizures down in it, questions for the doctors, meds and much more. We went into the appointment wanting to get some general questions answered by him. But I think we left with more questions than we came with. So the one of questions we had was why the first surgery did not go as planned. We learned that the anatomy of his neck makes its difficult to get an intubation tube down with a little cup on the end of it. So they had to scratch the awake surgery and just do a biopsy. With most surgeons they only do a biopsy on one or two areas, but he took 12 samples so they could get the best possible results as to what type of cancer this is. So it is a Stage 2glioma or diffuse astrocytoma. The pathology report does state they can not rule out Stage 3 but for now it does look like it's a Stage 2.

We are now given two options to proceed with, Surgery or No Surgery. First we had thought surgery was off the table since they could not get him awake and how the tumor is very deep within the brain. But we have now learned that there are other options to get him to remain awake without an intubation tube. The reason the surgeon wants to try surgery again is to remove at least half the tumor so when Brandon does Chemotherapy/Proton Radiation it's fighting a much smaller tumor. Our ultimate goal is to not have this turn into a Stage 3 or Stage 4 which is much harder to fight. Like with any surgery there are risk. The biggest risk involved here is the ability to speak again. If they could get him awake during the surgery there is a better chance of not harming the broca area, but if for some reason they can not the chance is much much greater. The other option is to watch the tumor like a hawk. Constant MRI's every few weeks, then every couple months. This is also coupled with Chemotherapy and Radiation at the same time to try and shrink this tumor. If at any time the tumor continues to grow he would have to have surgery. We have a little over 3 weeks to make this decision. We can not start radiation until the decision has been made. This is since radiation leaves scar tissue and it will be a lot harder of a surgery once this has been done. He also wants Brandon to talk about all of the options with family and friends, and make the best decision possible.

So here we stand wondering what route to take next. Like I've told Brandon he ultimately has to be the one that is 100% ok with which route we take. In my heart of hearts I would want him to do surgery now, so that we have the best chances at fighting this demon. But on the other hand do I want to take that risk of my husband never speaking again, NO of course not. So I'm torn on what is our best course of action to take and I can't even imagine what Brandon is feeling at this point. These past few days have been rough on him. With the changing of seizure meds, weaning off dexamethsone (which is now called the devil drug) and taking pain pills for the side effects, his sleeping patterns are far from normal. I know depression sets in every once in awhile with him and sleep seems to be the only place he feels normal again. It breaks my heart to see him like this. I haven't had much time to deal with sadness or any sort of depression at this point. My days are filled with working 8 hours, taking Aidan to school, constant calls from doctors, P.A., nurses. case workers, social workers, arguing with the local pharmacy and insurance company, tae kwon do practice, making dinner, bathing kids, putting kids to beds, and making sure Brandon has taken all of his meds for the day. By the time the day has ended I'm beyond exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open to watch my favorite reality TV. My poor house looks like a tornado ran through it. One day I will be able to clean it again. For now it's making sure everyone is taken care of and that Brandon is receiving the best care out there.

Ok enough complaining let's talk about my birthday party Old Lady style. Some of my closest friends joined me for sushi at my favorite spot. I ate yummy yummy sushi til I couldn't eat any more. Then it was off to the local casino for Bingo and Penny slots. Ok let me say this playing Bingo with people who have never played before has to be the most hilarious thing ever. First rule of Bingo is when they call B-5 you only look down the B row not across the whole damn card. Then we had the Bingo caller with the sex hot line voice, oh and we can't forget when Brad thought he had Bingo but really didn't. I was in tears laughing the majority of the night. Next up was Penny slots it was so packed here it was hard to find a good machine. But we finally found one of our favorites Wizard of Oz and I won one of the progressive hands which was only $53.89 but hell that was $53.00 more than I had. Then Alia was another winner winner with her Bonus round making her a $100.00 richer. With all of our hootin and hollarin we had a huge crowd around us for our little winnings. You would of thought we won million dollars. But that's how we roll at the casino. By the time 2:30am came around this momma was a little tipsy and ready for bed.

In the elevator in route for BINGO

Brad showing us his non-Winning Card

My sissy and I playing penny slots

All my girly's except for my preggo pop Crystal

The boys

The next day I was up bright and early to sign Aidan up for Pop Warner Football and run more errands. That night we had another birthday to celebrate at the W hotel in Westwood. It was nice to get dressed up and have a few hours out with my hot hubby. But beware when you drink in LA it will cost you an arm and a leg. I had 1 Bellini and ordered 4 small shots for us girls and it cost me $80.00 I almost fell out of my chair and closed out my bar tab as fast as I could. I think I like being the DD most of the time it's a lot cheaper. By the time Sunday came around I was ready for a Mickey Mouse fix an away we went. The happiest place on earth always makes you feel better and so does their churros. The kids, my sis and I had a blast riding rides and eating lots of junk food. I'm pretty certain all of the walking and carrying kids worked it off, or at least I hope it did.

In a few days we leave for NYC/Jersey and we all really need this time away from here to just relax and enjoy one another. Cancer is a topic that will always be on our minds but maybe for a few days we can pretend it's not there. Since when we get back decision have to be made and treatment will begin. We will be seeing lots of doctors and hospital walls but the memories we will make while on the East Coast will keep us smiling for awhile. So ta ta for now. I'll blog some more after our visit at the proton center on Thursday. It's a 3-4 hour appointment and we're bound to learn a lot more about this journey.

We have seen our enemy and we're ready to attack

This week I went back to work and WOW was that hard. I felt guilty to leave him only a week after surgery. I kept thinking what if he needs me and I'm not there. But like Brandon said it's like pulling off a band-aid we just have to do it. The first day back your bombarded by questions from people. People telling you how sorry they are, that there praying for you everyday or they know what your going through because there friend of a friend had cancer. On the outside I thank them for there prayers and kind thoughts. But on the inside I'm really mad at God right now and I want to tell people no you don't know how I feel until you are put in this situation. I know people mean well I'm just so angry and in disbelief lately. I want to do what any mom or wife does best, make everything better. In this situation I can't, but I can research every aspect and find the best doctors and our best plan of action to fight this monster.

Over a year ago I began following a story of a little girl named Layla Grace. I was introduced to her story from someone I followed on twitter. I began reading how she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Neuroblastoma. I would stare at her pictures and think of how much she reminded me of Ashlyn. I would follow her families blog, twitter updates and radio interviews. Everyday I prayed that this little girl would get better and make a full recovery. On March 9, 2010 she earned her angel wings into heaven. I remember sitting in my car when I heard this news and began to cry. I couldn't imagine for one moment what these people were going through. But now we're faced with the same situation and never for a million years thought it would happen to us. You kind of go through life thinking you're invincible from these types of illnesses. That it will never happen to you, but when it does you feel like you were hit in the stomach and can no longer breathe.

This Friday we met with the oncologist for the first time. She showed us an image of where exactly Brandon's tumor is lying in his brain. Like Brandon said in his post you think its this scab that you can just go in an remove. But his is much different it is like a bruise and deep in between many layers of his brain. How can you remove a bruise without removing all the good stuff that surrounds it. We also found out that yes this is a Stage 2 cancer but there are some areas of the tumor that are more aggressive than others. So we're going to treat this as if it's a Stage 3 and doing oral chemotherapy called Temodar, and 6-7 weeks of radiation 5 days a week. Also blood work will be done every week to make sure all his counts are in normal range. So if you are sick even with a damn runny nose do not come to my house I will not let you pass the front door. We have to assure that he remains in good health during all of this, if he gets an infection we have to stop treatment. So I may become somewhat of lunatic like you've never seen me before but remember it's for his best interest. We will also do an MRI every 3 months to make sure the tumor is shrinking. I know in my heart of hearts that everything will be OK. Brandon is strong and ready to fight this thing a 100%, but if I could have one wish in the world would be to take this from him. No one wants to see there loved one suffer or in pain. The next few months are going to be tough but I know in the end it will all be OK.

A couple months before we found everything out we booked at trip to NYC/Jersey to visit with my parents. So before treatment begins were doing one last hurrah and taking a little vacation to just get away from everything. I think we're all looking forward to this. Soaking up the sun, playing with the kids in Central Park, eating ice cream at Serendipity and hush puppies at Brother Jimmy's. Yes I love food can you tell =). So now that we have seen our enemy we're going to attack until we hear the words "we can not detect any more cancer cells". Those words will be like winning the lotto to me.

And so our journey begins....

Where do I even begin. I've been wanting to vent and write a post for a few days now but I did not know where to start. Hell I just recently began to process what has been happening and how our lives have changed in a matter seconds. Who would of thought 6 little letters could turn your whole world upside down. But that's what cancer does it invades your life like an unwanted stranger. When I first initially found out that Brandon had a brain tumor I felt like someone sucked the life out of me. I could hardly breathe, I pretty much gave myself an asthma attack. I called my boss and informed her of what happened, she came right back to the office. She's more than boss she's one of my closest friends and has always been there when I needed her most. My next phone call was to my parents. My dad is a very strong man and just calmly talked to me telling me everything will be ok and that I needed to be strong for Brandon. At that very moment I knew I could not go home a bawling mess I had to be strong for Brandon, our kids, for everyone. I didn't want anyone to see me breakdown, especially Brandon because I needed him to be strong enough to fight this thing.

That night I searched the internet to find answers. Our doctor at the time pretty much led us to a dead end and I needed to find our way out and plan our next move. I had a copy of our MRI so I found email addresses of neurosurgeons and began emailing them. Once 8am hit I was making phone calls to every hospital around here. Then I finally started to get responses and phone calls back from P.A. and medical assistants stating they have spoken with there neurosurgeons and that he should of never been sent home. So off to Loma Linda Hospital we went. The next fews days pretty much ran together for me. I didn't sleep much knowing he was there and not next to me in bed. When surgery day came I was a nervous wreck. One being I didn't even get to kiss him goodbye before they wheeled him back, since he went in before visiting hours even started. Two HOLY CRAP my husband is having brain surgery. The nice thing about Loma Linda is they give you a pager to guide you step by step through the surgery. At 10:33 am I received a text that surgery had started, then I began to calm down a little more. I kind of just sat there talking to family and friends as we waited. They anticipated surgery being at least 6 hours so I know we had a long day ahead of us. Then 27 minutes later I receive another text "Please go down to the main lobby the surgeon wants to meet with you". Right then I sprang out of that seat and ran down stairs as fast as I could. What the hell could of gone wrong in 27 minutes, this surgery was suppose to last 6 hours. It seriously felt like eternity waiting for the surgeon to arrive. Almost 30 minutes later after pacing the lobby and breaking down in tears the surgeon finally arrived. Before he could even make it the lobby I ran to him. First words out of his mouth "Surgery went well" Oh THANK THE LORD everything was ok. He then proceeded to tell us there was a little bit of complications due to him not breathing right with the first intubation tube, so they were unable to take away the tumor but instead did a biopsy.

The next couple of hours we were back in the day room waiting for them to wheel Brandon back from surgery I wanted him to see me as soon as he got out of that elevator. I just needed to know he was ok and he was. In good old Brandon fashion he was already cracking jokes and making fun of my mother. It made me so happy that he was alright. He seriously was like a rock star out of surgery. Wanting to eat already, asking us to put the laker game on, visiting with friends and family. Wow I didn't even feel that well after having a C-section with the kids and here he is after brain surgery acting like it's nothing. I'm a wimp compared to him . The next day I was there first thing at 8 am cause I knew they were going to discharge him. So as we waited for the doctors to sign his release form we watched Crocodile Dundee of all things. But it just felt good to spend some quality time together. Then at about 10:15 am a new doctor came in, but this is a teaching hospital so we were use to seeing a lot of doctors and medical students. She introduced herself as Dr. P from hematology/oncology. At that moment my heart just sank why in the world would she becoming to see us. They just did the biopsy yesterday and they said it would take 5-7 days to get results. She informed us that the preliminary results came back as a low grade glioma. I stared at her like she was talking a foreign language. I no longer was listening to what was coming out of her mouth at all I can remember was that word cancer. This nightmare wasn't ending it was getting worse. The last thing I remember her saying was we do need to wait for the final results cause things can change. At that point I was hoping they would come back Friday and tell us that they were wrong and it was benign.

Then Friday came and the doctor stated those ugly words again cancer. It was a stage 2 glioma and most stage 2 they just keep an eye on it, but with Brandon's type they wanted to start treatment soon. So that leaves us with today waiting for the cancer center to call us back as to when our first appointment will be and where we go from here. The unknown has to be the hardest. And now the first round of medical bills have already started to come in and it makes me sick to my stomach wondering how do we afford these with the rest of the normal daily bills we have to pay. It makes me sad that even when you are at the lowest point in your life you still have to worry about these things. Our dream was to buy a house at the end of this year and finally stop renting. Have a home to call our own, this might be put on a back burner for awhile but I know one day it will happen.

Before I go I do want to say thank you to all of our friends and family that have stood by our side through this. You have been so amazing and we could not do this without you. I have a hard time asking anyone for help but you have all been there helping us in one way or another. We have a long journey ahead of us, but I know in a few years from now we will beat this and it will make us stronger. To my husband your an amazing man and father. Your whole outlook and demeanor on this has been such a positive one. Your never cease to amaze me. I will be by your side through this entire journey and you will be a cancer survivor. And by the way hubby your still taking me to Hawaii to renew our vows when this is all said and done. =)

Our dating days

Our friends who have been our rock

Our family that continues to give there love and support

Our many trips to the happiest place on earth

One of the best days of our life

Now it's time to kick Cancer's butt, we will win.

My New Years resolution to myself

So we are already creeping into our 2nd month of the new year and I vowed to myself that this is the year I'm really going to stick to a diet and finally start working out. I've told myself this same thing for the last 2 years but never followed through. But this year is different I have a great workout partner who is participating with me and rooting me on through this whole process. Who would of known all I needed was a little Alia to help me get my goals started. Seriously if it wasn't for her I would still be enjoying my Sprinkles cupcakes and sitting my lazy butt in front of the TV watching the bachelor and Real Housewives. Who am I kidding I'm still going to veg and watch those shows but no Sprinkles Cupcakes will be in hand for at least a little while.

Alia and I dressed in our lovely 80's costumes =)

She rocked it me not so much. hahaha

So I will be blogging about my journey and hoping to see all my hard work payoff. This week I started fitness boot camp and OMG that is no joke. They kick your bootay for that whole hour there is 30 sec breaks here and there but your getting one crazy work out to the point I almost wanted to puke. I've also been enjoying Spin classes, at first I wasn't too sure about it but now I love it. Such a great way to get out all your stress and just ride it out to great music (helloooo Michael Jackson) for an hour.

Tonight I'm off to Yoga and hoping it will help me stretch some of these sore muscle that I can barely walk. Hell I can hardly sit on the toilet. Now that's a funny mental picture right there. But it's a good pain and that means all of this is paying off. The diet is one thing I'm struggling with but I know it will get easier in time. So here's to hoping I look like this by the time all is said and done with.

Ashlyn's 3rd Birthday Disney Style

What a better place to celebrate a little girls birthday who is obsessed with Mickey Mouse and all things Disney Princess than Disneyland. So I had searched Disneyland website for the best place to celebrate her birthday and soon found out they have the "Happiest Birthday on Earth" at the Plaza Inn. You get to have a cake decorating contest with Pat E. Cake and then good old one on one time with Mickey and Minnie. I knew this would for sure be a birthday our little princess would not forget. Here are some pics from her party hope you enjoy, because we sure had a blast.

Her adorable birthday outfit from TheZboutique on Etsy

Decorating her cake

This is what the cakes look like before you decorate

Aidan and his Cousin Jayden

Everyone is having a blast decorating cakes.

Group photo of the whole gang

Our Family Pic with the Mouse

My sister was having fun torturing my hubby.

One of her birthday presents she had to wear.

Happy 3rd birthday baby girl. I hope you had a blast spending your birthday at the Happiest Place on earth. I still can't believe your 3 already, time sure does fly when your having fun.

My little Princess turned 3

Well my little girl is officially not a baby anymore. On January 2nd she turned 3. Where did time go I feel like it was just yesterday I found out I was pregnant with her. And I remember that day vividly. It was 3 weeks after we got married, and I was so exhausted and nauseous from every smell and food imaginable. I thought maybe I was just run down after 18 months of planning my wedding of a lifetime and running around with a 18 month old, but then I realized it had been awhile since I got my period. So I called the new hubby up at work and told him something wasn't right. He told me go to the store and pick up a test and call him back with the results. We had talked recently about having another. But not this soon we wanted to plan on a summer baby since we already had Aidan who's birthday falls 2 weeks before Christmas. I went to the store grabbed a test and ran home. Drank a few cups of water, waited til I had to pee then peed on my little pregnancy stick. (got a great mental picture there don't you lol)

The box says can take up to 2 to 3 min for results to show, well that wasn't my case that puppy had two pink lines staring at me within seconds. I was indeed pregnant again. I was in shock at this moment since we were leaving on honeymoon in a week and was not looking forward to morning sickness while on our trip. I then immediately called my hubby and he was elated with so much joy. I couldn't believe it he was happier than I was, probably cause he doesn't have to carry the baby for 9 months in his belly or have morning sickness and constipation. Ok Ok TMI I know.

So the pregnancy progressed and at 18 weeks we decided to take both sides of our families and do a 3D ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby. When the ultrasound tech said a girl we all started screaming and I started crying I was so happy. I had a my little prince and now a princess. We had the perfect little family.

Then it came time to think of a name to call her. I always loved Addison for a girl. But I was soon told I'm no longer allowed to name our kids after a TV show I loved. I like Addison from Private Practice. And Aidan got his name from SATC. Who can blame me both great actors and actresses right?? So the hubby finally came up with a named he loved Ashlyn, and what a perfect name it was. Now that we had her name, the nursery was painted and decorated in pink, yellow, and green polka dots and now it was time to wait for her arrival. On January 2, 2008 that day finally came. I had been waking up all that night with pretty bad cramps but will still able to go back to sleep. But finally at 8 am they were a little to close together and getting stronger and stronger each time. My hubby had just taken on a new job and I didn't want to bother him so I told him I was just going to go to the docs to have them check on me. I called the docs told him how far apart the contractions were and I had lost my mucus plug he ordered me to get straight to the hospital. So I had my grandmother watch Aidan and I drove myself to the hospital which was 25 mins away from my house. Boy was I crazy trying to drive and not swerve into cars when contractions got bad. I finally arrived was checked in and told my contractions were a few mins apart. By then my hubby had knew something was wrong left work and meet me at the hospital. They then schedule a C-section for me at 6p.m. Several minutes after 6pm my little girl had finally arrived and she was so gorgeous. I couldn't get enough of her. 7 pounds 4oz and 21 inches long.

My big Belly

All ready for surgery

She's here..daddy cutting the cord

Family pic, just missing Aidan

She's perfect and chunky

Big Brother finally got to hold her

Later that night we learned she had some breathing problems and had to be transported to another hospital that had a NICU. My worse nightmare came true for a second time, how can another one of my babies be sick again right after being born. So my hubby followed the ambulance to the hospital and spoke with the doctors about what had gone wrong. Ashlyn was born almost a month early and her lungs were not fully ready yet. So she had to spend some time in the NICU to be put on meds and breathing machines to help her. 7 days later we were able to take her home.

Her home for the next 7 days

Auntie Sha Sha and Uncle Marc stopped by to visit

She only had eyes for daddy

Finally we got to bring her home

Now she is a singing dancing diva that can not be tamed. She amazes us everyday by the things she comes up with. She truly is one girly girl. From dress up to make up she needs it all. Happy Birthday Princess Ashlyn.

Her 1st birthday

2nd birthday we rented a pig for her piggy theme

Her adorable outfit made by @preppypoppy

Such a doll.

My two beautiful kids.

Wordless Wednesday

Merry Christmas from my Munchkins