We have seen our enemy and we're ready to attack

This week I went back to work and WOW was that hard. I felt guilty to leave him only a week after surgery. I kept thinking what if he needs me and I'm not there. But like Brandon said it's like pulling off a band-aid we just have to do it. The first day back your bombarded by questions from people. People telling you how sorry they are, that there praying for you everyday or they know what your going through because there friend of a friend had cancer. On the outside I thank them for there prayers and kind thoughts. But on the inside I'm really mad at God right now and I want to tell people no you don't know how I feel until you are put in this situation. I know people mean well I'm just so angry and in disbelief lately. I want to do what any mom or wife does best, make everything better. In this situation I can't, but I can research every aspect and find the best doctors and our best plan of action to fight this monster.

Over a year ago I began following a story of a little girl named Layla Grace. I was introduced to her story from someone I followed on twitter. I began reading how she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Neuroblastoma. I would stare at her pictures and think of how much she reminded me of Ashlyn. I would follow her families blog, twitter updates and radio interviews. Everyday I prayed that this little girl would get better and make a full recovery. On March 9, 2010 she earned her angel wings into heaven. I remember sitting in my car when I heard this news and began to cry. I couldn't imagine for one moment what these people were going through. But now we're faced with the same situation and never for a million years thought it would happen to us. You kind of go through life thinking you're invincible from these types of illnesses. That it will never happen to you, but when it does you feel like you were hit in the stomach and can no longer breathe.

This Friday we met with the oncologist for the first time. She showed us an image of where exactly Brandon's tumor is lying in his brain. Like Brandon said in his post you think its this scab that you can just go in an remove. But his is much different it is like a bruise and deep in between many layers of his brain. How can you remove a bruise without removing all the good stuff that surrounds it. We also found out that yes this is a Stage 2 cancer but there are some areas of the tumor that are more aggressive than others. So we're going to treat this as if it's a Stage 3 and doing oral chemotherapy called Temodar, and 6-7 weeks of radiation 5 days a week. Also blood work will be done every week to make sure all his counts are in normal range. So if you are sick even with a damn runny nose do not come to my house I will not let you pass the front door. We have to assure that he remains in good health during all of this, if he gets an infection we have to stop treatment. So I may become somewhat of lunatic like you've never seen me before but remember it's for his best interest. We will also do an MRI every 3 months to make sure the tumor is shrinking. I know in my heart of hearts that everything will be OK. Brandon is strong and ready to fight this thing a 100%, but if I could have one wish in the world would be to take this from him. No one wants to see there loved one suffer or in pain. The next few months are going to be tough but I know in the end it will all be OK.

A couple months before we found everything out we booked at trip to NYC/Jersey to visit with my parents. So before treatment begins were doing one last hurrah and taking a little vacation to just get away from everything. I think we're all looking forward to this. Soaking up the sun, playing with the kids in Central Park, eating ice cream at Serendipity and hush puppies at Brother Jimmy's. Yes I love food can you tell =). So now that we have seen our enemy we're going to attack until we hear the words "we can not detect any more cancer cells". Those words will be like winning the lotto to me.